I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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