we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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