Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
