Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
