3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
