the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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