my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
