he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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