Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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