i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
