He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
