is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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