the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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