God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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