I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
