So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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