OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
