Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
