There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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