Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We have started to decorate penises.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
