woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
