Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
