You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you had me at cake vodka
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
