There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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