I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
