We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
