make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
