I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
