i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
