Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
