Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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