youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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