I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
