You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
