just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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