Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
