meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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