I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
