i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
