love makes seman taste better
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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