so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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