just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
