Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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