Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
