Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
