WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
