Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
