If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
