You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
