dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
