apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How external is "for external use only"?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
