I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
