I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
