Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
