So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize