ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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