just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
