Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
