We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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