It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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