he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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