I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need a beard to bite.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
