Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
