Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
