Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
