Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
