the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
